yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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