Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
