You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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