im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
