at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
