Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
