Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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