I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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