i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
