2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
