just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
