Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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