Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
