I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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