Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You're so nebulous sometimes
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
