remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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