11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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