I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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