I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
People in love make me want to vomit
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
