I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize