I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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