The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
