How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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