So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
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I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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