I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
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I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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