Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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