I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
