I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
