I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
