i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
