my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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