So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
