these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
