I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize