Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
