Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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