is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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