bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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