I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
