Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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