It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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