so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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