Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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