oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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