I wish I could teleport
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
