I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
