I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
