who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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