why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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