Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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