When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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