do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
