Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
