I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The air was thick with penises
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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