Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
