: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
