I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
