I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
