I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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