remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
