There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
