I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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