a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry about my life...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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