Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
