I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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