Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
its liver damage thursday
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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