He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
