He is an equal opportunity slut.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
