***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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