Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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