Kareoke will never be a sober sport
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
