I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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