she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
