**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
